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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  August 13, 2015 5:44pm-6:19pm PDT

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( sighs ) well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. yeah... yeah... >> larry: tonightly, bernie sanders surges past hillary in new hampshire polls. although let's keep it 100. it's a 73-year-old man and a 67-year-old woman, no one's
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surging anywhere. a white woman refuses a delivery from a lowe's driver who is black. so they sent it back out with a white one. on the same day? which lowe's is this? what? and target stops organizing its toys by gender. when he heard, the ken doll said, oh, that's news? i haven't had a competent miss in 50 years. let's do it america, this is the nightly show. captioning sponsored by comedy central [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: welcome to the
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nightly show. we have got a great audience. it is -- oh. thank you very much. thank you very much. >>çó yes. it kind of died down then larry's larry'd up a little bit. that was very nice and unexpected. i am excited guys, breaking news from mars. yes, mars, that planet we flirt with to make earth jealous. nasa reports the mars rover may have found life. nasa's curiosity rover took this picture while exploring a crater on the red planet and captured what some people think looks like a woman. >> wait, wait, wait. can we zoom in on that image? oh, that's not a mars woman. oh, my god. oh, my god. that's top secret republican presidential candidate bobby jindalal! that's where he has been hiding. oh, bobby, you run for president, but you can't hide.
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well you know what a random space bobby jindal means, it means firing up another edition of the unblackening. >> larry: okay. we have been covering the republicans now it's time to get an update on the democratic side of the race surging bernie sanders. >> bernie sanders is drawing more than 10,000 people an appearance. >> more than 15,000 people showed up at his next event and then last night in portland heñi had the biggest crowd yet, a reported 28,000 people showed up. >> yeah, america. yeah. >> america, do you feel a berning sensation? >> if it is anything but emotional please call your doctor. >> it seems he tapped into the populist id of the democratic party and seems to be surging
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against its ego. >> but why are people paying attention to bernie sanders? i thought he was just a crazy socialist. he's a socialist, right. i mean, seriously it looks like mr. magoo just wandered into the race. oh i will be president, why not, all right, all right. oh, yeah. >> and millennials know what i just did. i just failed magoo. failed it! oh, larry, you failed magoo. but not everybody on the progressive party is that excited to hear him speak. in fact, some won't let him speak atñi all. >> black lives matter protestedders shutting down presidential candidate bernie sanders forcing him to leave his own rally on saturday in seattle. >> thank you, seattle for being one of the most progressive cities in the united states ofñi
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america. >> say her name? say her name? >> yo you you know things are ng well when they start reciting the lyrics from destiny's child, right? >> actually, these women are from black lives matter, who had an issue with the sanders campaign not paying enough attention to their agenda. now, ladies, i agree that black lives matter but black manners matter as well. all right? and just keeping it 100, if we are keeping it 100, and also based on the demographics, if bernie sanders rallies were a ben and jerry's ice cream flavor, it would be nilla, please. >> keep it 100. keep it 100. >> the chocolate's in there somewhere, but you have got to eat a lot of vanilla to get to it. that's all i am saying. but this didn't derail bernie's campaign, he actually let them
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speak and then he hired a member of black lives matter to his campaign. but not all -- yeah, sure. bernie was very nice. he was very gracious about it. but not all people respected his letting the black ladies speak. >> i would never give up my microphone. that showed such weakness. the way he was taken away by the two young women. believe me, that's not going to happen to trump. >> larry: that's not going to happen to trump? is there another trump? he is already talking about himself in the third person. >> yeah, you're weak sanders you got beat by girls with boobs! i would have just built a wall around the stage and made mexico pay for it. all right? that's what trump would have done. i am officially endorsing trump. all right. so here we go. so we have got this crazy socialist who's promising free
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college, has thousands of people showing up to hear him talk. and will make sure black women won't yell at us. okay? so it sounds pretty good. so why else should we take him seriously? sanders has dethroned hillary clinton in new hampshire after trailing her by double digits back in march. look at that. >> larry: oh, my god. oh, no. no! is this happening again? a candidate of passion is about to overtake hillary? she's about to get obama'd by an old whiteñi man? oh, my gosh. i mean, look, it is one thing for a cool brother to just burst on the scene and all that brotherness just spills out on the campaign trail. that's just science. all right? but when people are more inspired by a guy who looked like the about to retire dean of students at oberlin, i have to ask, you have got to start asking, what the hell is
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going on? okay. so for more on this phenomenon we thought we could check in again with clinton campaign official carlos jordanson.ñi carlos, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: welcome back, welcome back to the show, carlos. i have to ask you, are you concerned at all about bernie sanders's rising popularity. >> no way. we have got the blah say vote locked up in this election. yeah. if it is going to be hillary versus jeb in a battle of attrition. 2016, hasn't america had enough excitement for a while? our new campaign slogan. >> that doesn't sound like the best kind of slogan. what do you think is the problem? do you think liberals aren't excite because she is not liberal enough? >> i guess that possible, larry it just has not been important. when you have got someone like bernie sanders who is exciting and genuine and who no one doubts cares about the middle class, i mean, that guy -- he's
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like a dream for a progressive like me who isn't already locked into this other campaign. >> larry: whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. wait, hold on. carlos, carlos. i sounds like you are not that excited about her. you are more excited about bernie. >> oh, no. >> this guy. it is like -- it is like this. >> larry: okay. >> you know how sometimes you are driving with some friends and you go to six flags for the day but instead you end up at the dentist's office but you still have a great time. that's all this is. >> larry: no, no, hold on. >> yes. >> larry: hillary's, you are comparing hillary's campaign to a trip too the dentist's office, that does not sound good. >> what is your next question? >> larry: look. i really believe this is about passion, when elizabeth warren decided not to run. >> stop, stop, stop. she will hear you. >> larry: elizabeth warren? >> ah, no! she is not, she who
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is positive in elizabeth warren. >>çó story. now, this sound like some trouble. >> that's where your excitement s when i mention names like elizabeth warren --. >> i think that is all the time we have. we will be right back! >> larry: no, no, no. >> we will be right back. >> larry: i say we will be right back. >> i feel like you are avoiding at all issues, carlos, look let me just say, yes, i feel like you are not excited about your candidate. you are more excited about other candidates and that's a big issue. how do you think hillary can win?. >> hey, man, why do you have to be so focused on excitement? 0 you know, like, oh, excitement. hey i am excited to eat broccoli because it contains vitamins, you diagnosis? that is what hillary is, he is eating broccoli. in fact that's our new slogan, vote for hillary, she's your broccoli, america. >> larry: that's enough. carlos jordanson, everybody! we
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carlos jordanson, everybody! we will be right back! hello. i am a fully automated investment advisory service. i can help you choose investments. monitor them. and rebalance your portfolio. i can do a lot of what humans can. except have a real conversation. if you'd like that, you can always speak to someone at schwab. they aren't algorithms. try not to hold it against them. say hello at intelligent.schwab.com
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and it's only from t-mobile >> larry: welcomeñr back. i am very excited, guys. tonight we are kicking off a segment all about big box stores called jesus christ, superstore >> larry:çó oh. wow. all right. so i was shopping for a combination riding mower beer koozie-cheez-it dispenser at the target the other day, right? as one does. when i noticed something was a little different. retail giant target is making some major changes to its signage based on gender. target is vowing to make changes by getting rid of gender references and revamping signage in the toy, bedding and entertainment aisles. >> larry: okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: wow. so, basically, i instead of girls bedding and boys bedding it will just say kids bedding which will probably be most
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helpful for your ex-boyfriend who still sleeps in star wars sheets. >> larry: so how are moms feeling about this move. >> i 29 think it is great because i don't like when they tell me which section to go shopping for my baby girl as if she can't play with something in the boys section. >> yes, it makes sense. especially when it comes to babies, they have got way more to focus on than gender, like facial recognition, right, and that whole boom boom situation. you know what i am talking about, right? it sounds good, so we are good, right? >> now you have to sit there and look at a blended area and wonder is this for a boy or is this for a girl? >> larry: really? we are struggling that much over a toy? >> you know, ie always wanted to know which section the lego city space port set should be in. because frankly i have no idea, is it a city? is it a port? is it in space? so many questions jesus christ, superstore! okay.
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who is next? lowe's. oh. so what happened? home improvement retailer lowe's has apologized after a veteran employee was pulled from a delivery job because he's black. danville virginia driver marcus bradley said he was told the customer didn't want a black man in the house.á-shockingly, the d the request. >> larry: okay. wait a second. okay. first of all, how did this customer even know the race of the delivery guy? i've never seen that option at the checkout,çóçó right? >> now to be fair to the customer, everyone probably should have known there would bó rouble when her or was justçó nails two, planks of wood and some gasoline. we should have known. it is a joke. it is a joke. but still, that's (bleep)ed up lowe's, brother he is was just
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trying to do his job and he gets humiliated like that, luckily there was one man willing to stand up for marcus. >> i mean, i thought that lowe's would take up for me. >> who did take up for him? his fellow driver of 11 years, refusing to complete the delivery with a new white partner. to me, you know it, just ain't right for a business that we work at. >> way to two, alex, that's a very strange accent you have, but that doesn't matter because you did a great thing and defended your friend. that's awesome. nice to hear that. you know what? i have to say, i really can't believe this. because this is either the worst kind of racism i have never seen or the weakest. but you know what? to be honest, with all of the deaths and police drama we have been this year a crazy white person that doesn't want black people doing manual labor for her, right, what are you going to do it is sort of refreshing. it's like a spot of racist sorbet to cleanse the palate.
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and creamy sriracha sauce, all wrapped in a warm tortilla. lookin' for a basic burrito? this ain't it. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: welcome back. i am here with my panel, comedian and show runner here at the nightly show, you know him, rory albanese. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: she stars in the lulu, sr. irs the hot wives returning on august 18th, comedian and argument, andra savage. and he is appearing at caroline's here in new york august 13th through the 16th, comedian alonzo bodden, one of the funniest comedians around. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: let's get started. we talked about the jesus christ superstore. the targets is now classifying toys at not for boys and girls anymore, now they are just toys and be more gender neutral and with bedding and entertainment too. so some peopleçó think it is police gone wild, but is it just
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where we are right now. >> i think this is just weird, a bit of an antiquated system. this is residual stuff from like dick and jane, everyone needs to just calm the (bleep) down. >> we are talking about like taking a sign down and a little repaint. we are not like trying to make boys girls and girls boys, we are just making it, presented a little more equally, like here are the toys, take what you will. despite the crazy packaging, a sparkle here and star wars here. >> larry: they are just toys. >> toys a. >> they are making too much of a big deal like so what if -- however it is labeled, like kids are going to play with what they play with. i don't think it is good that they are taking the signs down, but i don't think it is that big of a deal. ave the signs, like if a girl wants to play with a toy truck, she is going to see the truck, oh, that's a boy's truck, i can't go down there.
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she will still go down there. she can still pick up the toys. girls, don't play up with cars, women grow up liking ferraris. >> a very good point. >> somehow they pick it up. >> and the men who drive them. >> there you go. >> and a lot of kids can't read, so it doesn't really impact them. >> by the way -- >> you know what i mean? >> you know, to me it is like the signs are, targets are huge, like i get lost -- there are stores that sell like chain saws and like diapers and like tvs in the same aisle. >> yes. to me, the more signsi -- no it is not the same aisle, to me the more signs the better, i don't care what the signs say, anything that gets me out faster. >> we are not getting rid of all of the signs. >> i read slow! no more signs! >> did you not hear -- >> go ahead. >> part of the issue for the parents than the kids. like when you turn a kid loose in a store, he runs wild.
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he doesn't look what aisle to >> larry: or she. >> she is capable of running wild as well. no worries. >> go ahead. >> i should say i have a daughter, and i will say she is at the age where she does read and it is different because she will read boys something and then she is like, not happening. she is like, not going to go there. but if it is just something engineering, it is this, it is that, she is interested but if it is labeled one or the other, it is that word. >> i think if you label a toy engineering you lose boys and girls. >> i am with you. i am with you. >> the minute you say engineering, no, that's not fun. >> you are right, you are right. >> in the toy aisle, like where is the engineering aisle? >> that kid has got bigger problems than us. like picking the wedgies out, giving kids wedgies that is not okay, that is not acceptable. >> you are going to get wedgies in engineering. >> just to be clear --.
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>> so we will get rid of all gender classifications? >> adult toy stores don't have gender classifications. i mean -- [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. americans -- >> maybe they should. >> you can shove anything up yourçóçó ass -- >> i don't think it matters that much to kids. i think if you take 100 kids and just put them in a room and let them play, they are going to figure it out and some boys, the boys are going to do boys stuff and girls are going to do -- some of it is hard wired into us, you know that --. >> over the years like the easy bake ovens girls are supposed to cook, who put that in your section, if uh you want to (bleep) boys are supposed to be architect, look at the building over here, there is subtle messaging has been in the culture for a long time. >> is it the culture or dna? i mean, women like nesting, right so you generally have women --. >> wow. >> yes. it is true. >> i don't care if they get mad. it is true. i haven't had my boy say, yo,
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let's go to ikea. >> women say go to ikea and buy what they want and then as a man you get home and you are expected to know how to put that (bleep) together. >> yeah. >> and that's when you run into trouble. >> how can a kid explain gender? >> you are talking about where they started kids and where they grow up. >> if they did more engineering stuff with girls, they would be able to put that stuff together. [ cheers and applause ] >> let me tell you something. >> hold on a minute. boy or girl, you can't do something with a wrench that small. >> and the age of video games like do kids know when you are playing online, that kid who is kicking your ass in madden might be a 12-year-old girl. those games, they don't care who plays. girls want more girl characters, which i understand and i think is great. >> but when they go to play, i have never seen video games in a boy or a girl's aisle. >> but they just barely put an
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image of a woman on one of those pizza boxes of soccer players. >> yes, it is taking time to catch up. >> videos games is a whole other thing because people who play video games don't generally talk to girls, you know what i mean? >> it feels like it is one of those things they really don't want girls to be a part of that. >> oh, no. they are happy when a girl shows up. >> really? >> i did one of those conventions and a girl showed up and those guys -- they didn't know what to do, but they were all happy. >> they were happy. >> i have officially learned nothing tonight. we will be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> itch you live in the new york city area or are planning to visit, grab some free tickets to an upcoming taping of the an upcoming taping of the nightly show. who says families have to share data? these guys, that's who but at t-mobile you can get four lines with up to 10 gigs of 4g lte data, each
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♪ if you can't stand the heat, get off the test track. get the mercedes-benz you've been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedes-benz dealer. but hurry, offers end august 31st. share your summer moments in your mercedes-benz with us. the nominees for best new artists are... blue razz, chocolate strawbs, and cinna roll! and the winner is... (belches) blaaaaaaahhhh.... yeah. tadaaa! crazy good! >> that's our show, i want to thank our panelists rory albanese, andrea savage and alonzo bodden and carlos
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jordanson. good nightly, everyone. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) ♪ >> jon: from "the daily show," my name is jon stewart! we're going to have a guest tonight, his name is denis leary! (cheers and applause)

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